Meet the Mugiwara Crew
by AnayristheDragon25
Summary: What happens when you parody nine pirates with nine mercenaries? Chaos and randomess!
1. Luffy Weapons Captain

**Meet Luffy the Rubber Weapons Guy**

(sorry for my English, I'm not very good at it T_T)

(Luffy is running around the room excited until he notice the camera on the table, he then rush to sit on a chair)

L: (happy) Hi there! I'm Monkey D. Luffy guy and I'm gonna be the King of the Pirates! These (show his fists) are my weapons. They can stretch over 100 gomu gomu (start stretching his arms) and there are more powerful than a pistol shot. (He looks at the camera with a proud grin) I can do super-cool thing with these weapons…for more than twelve episodes.

On the next scene, Luffy is laughing while eating Meat and a lot of Sanviches. On the next scene also, he's watching the Straw Hat Shank gave him.

L: (surprised) Oh my God, who touched my treasure? Alright…(yells angrily at someone else) WHO TOUCHED MY HAT?!

On the next scene, Luffy is picking his nose uninterested.

L: some people think they can outsmart me…maybe…maybe. (watches serious at the camera) I've yet to meet someone who can outsmart a punch (he grins proudly)

On the next scene, Luffy is devastating BLU Team with Gomu Gomu No Gatling Gun on Dustbowl.

L: Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! _**Ahahahahaha!**_ Cry some more!

(pause)

L: Shishishi…'cry some more'

[_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays_]


	2. Zoro Pirate Hunter Soldier

**Meet Zoro the Soldier:**

[_Cut to a BLU Pyro firing a blast of flame from its Flamethrower. The Pyro thrusts its weapon in the air and laughs triumphantly as a Sword slash heads towards it from off screen_].

Pyro: [_the sword slash hits Pyro, who is gibbed._] "Owh!"

[_Cut to BLU Demoman taking a drink, also getting blown up by a slash from off screen._]

[_Cut to BLU Heavy performing the Showdown taunt._]

Heavy: "Pow!" [_Is hit by a crit slash and explodes_]

[_Cut to Zoro in a green soldier uniform and a dark green military helmet, drilling what appears to be a line of recruits on the Thousand Sunny_.]

Zoro: "'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!' That…(read the video Transcript) 'Sun-Tzu guy' said that, and I'd say he knows a _little_ more [_pokes a recruits' helmet_] about fighting than _you_ do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor."

[_The Art of War plays]_ [_Cut to Zoro holding his three swords and screaming._]

[_Zoro then charges the final capture point in Granary with his swords and kills a Demoman, who fires at him but misses. A BLU Medic appears behind him, firing syringes._]

Sanji: "Oi! To the left, Marimo!"

Zoro: "Maggots!" [_Zoro turns to the left and fires a Crit sword slash at the Medic, gibbing him._]

Usopp: "Right up! Right up!" (but he stay behind with shaking legs)

Luffy: "Go, go, go!"

[_Zoro and Luffy charge into battle together, as explosions occur all around them._]

[_Cut back to the Zoro's drill. Music pauses._]

Zoro: "Then, he used his fight money... [_unhooks two grenades from his belt, one in each hand._] ...to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat... [_demonstrates by using the grenades, moving them in a walking motion._] ...and then he beat the _crap_ out of every single one." [_Zoro bangs the two grenades together repeatedly._]

[_Cut back to battle scene. Music resumes._]

Nami: (Behind cover) "Sentry up there!"

[_Zoro runs up to the Sentry gun and 'sword jump_'_ onto a pipe, both destroying the Sentry and killing the Engineer in the process._]

[_A BLU Heavy and Pyro are holding the final capture point. The Heavy is laughing gleefully. Zoro jumps downward, firing a Critical slash that lands just before he does. The swords kill both the Heavy and Pyro. A Spy uncloaks and attempts to backstab Zoro, but he attacks the spy swiftly, knocking him out twith it._] [_Freeze frame_]

[_Cut back to Zoro's drill, where he had fell asleep_]

Zoro: (snoring) Zzz…ronf…zzz…[then he woke up and _Laughs to himself_] "ehm…eheheh, (resumes serious expression) And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a '_zoo'_!"

[_Crickets chirp as the 'recruits' are revealed to be cannonballs perched on the Sunny' s gate, all wearing BLU Soldier helmets. One of them falls off the gate._]

[_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays._]

Zoro: [_To the Cannonball_] "Unless it's a farm!" (Then he picks up the Transcript of the video and read it, irritated) I want to know who wrote this shit?!

Sanji: (hiding somewhere) eheheh (laughs evilly while smoking)


	3. Nami the Cat Burglar Scout

**Meet Nami the Cat Burglar Scout:**

[_Faster Than a Speeding Bullet plays as the Dock System of the Sunny rise, revealing a crouching Nami with other members of Mugiwara Crew, including Sanji with hearts on his eyes._]

[_Nami watches various BLU team members stationed around the center point: an Engineer industriously making defensive preparations, a smoking Spy, and a Soldier juggling rockets._]

[_Nami takes her __Clima-Tact_ _and the Crew runs out to attack the point._]

[_Nami charges into a fierce battle on Well, quickly outpacing his teammates. She runs towards the center of the map, dodging everything that BLU throws at her, then outruns and crosses a passing train_ as it crushes a BLU Soldier and Pyro.]

[_"Meet Nami" text appears_] [Nami_ walks in front of the text, from off frame._]

Nami: "Um... I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?

[_Cut to a scene of a BLU Heavy, sitting near the third control point in Granary about to take a bite of a Sandvich, when he is poked in the head by Nami's __Clima-Tact__._]

Nami: " what's up, big guy?" (Winks like she does when is about to steal)

[_Cuts back to Scout in front of text._]

Nami: Do you have _any idea_, any idea who I am?"

[_Back to Heavy and Nami, Heav is yelling while trying to land a punch on Nami who dodge gracefully. Cuts back to Nami._]

Nami: "Basically – the best navigator in the world!"

[_Back to fight. Nami is hitting Heavy with her __Clima-Tact__._]

Nami: "Oh man, I'm beautiful. Heh!"

[_Cut back to fight, Heavy was electrocuted by Nami's __Clima-Tact__. Cuts back to Nami._]

Nami: " Are you listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha'- [_pokes the camera_] I steal treasures."

[_Cut back to fight, Nami whacks the Heavy in the gut with her __Clima-Tact__._]

Nami: "BOINK!"

Nami: [_back to text_] "I'm the Cat Burglar!"

[_Nami hits the Heavy in the chin._]

Nami: "BONK!"

[_Cuts back to Nami_]

Nami: "I can steal your money before you can realize it!"

[_Cuts back to fight; Heavy is collapsed on the ground trying to reach for his Sandvich; Nami create a Storm with her __Clima-Tact and a thunder hits Heavy__._]

[_Cuts back to Nami_]

Nami: ( counting the money she steal from the spectator (that means you) and runs away) eh eh I told you, see ya!

[_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays_]

[Nami_ sits on the twitching body of the Heavy counting the __four hundred thousand dollars__ she steal from the Heavy; the point is now Mugiwara's, wich symbol resemble they're Jolly Roger with the Staw Hat._]


	4. Usopp the King of the Snipers

**Meet Usopp the King of Snipers:**

[_the lone Mini-Merry is sailing in the Sea. Camera cuts to Usopp disguising as Sogeking standing in a heroic pose with crossed arms, his Kabuto in a hand._]

**Usopp/Sogeking**: "Boom, headshot."

[_Meet Usopp text appears. Cuts to Usopp driving the Mini-Merry as Valve's edited version of __Magnum Force__ plays in the background._]

**Usopp**: "Snipin's a good job, mate! It's challengin' work, outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry-"

[_Cuts to a shot of Usopp brushing his teeth. There are three photographs on the right of his mirror of a __BLU__Engineer__, __Heavy__, and __Scout__ - the Engineer and the Scout are crossed off, but the Heavy is not._]

**Usopp** "-'cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, _someone_ is gonna want prank _someone_."

[_Scene cuts to view inside Usopp's scope. Usopp launch a Tabasco projectile to the heavy who runs away screaming for water. The Tabasco also ends on the good eye of the __Demoman__ behind him, blinding him. The Demoman flails around, takes out his Grenade Launcher, fires grenades wildly in the air and falls over a ledge, with his stray grenades igniting a cluster of explosive barrels below and causing a chain explosion._]

**Usopp**: ehm… (he sweat drop but when he notice the camera he make a prod pose) A-and that was my plan! (he grins proudly but then a few bullets hit next to him and Usopp runs away scared)

[_Cuts to Usopp talking on a Den Den Mushi._]

**Usopp**: "Oi, Dad? Dad, I'm a- Ye- I'm gonna be a brave warrior of the seas. Did I've already told you that I am a great Captain?"

[_Back to Usopp in the Mini Merry._]

**Usopp**: "I'll be honest with ya: I've got 8000 mans under my command!." (Grins proudly)

[_Cuts to Usopp climbing the Sunny's Observation tower in __Gold Rush__ Stage 3, Cap 1. Usopp now is waiting at the top of the tower for a shot._]

**Usopp**: [_Glances away from his scope briefly to address the viewer_] "I think his mate saw me."

[_A bullet ricochets off the ledge under Usopp._]

**Usopp**: "AAAHHH! Yes, yes he did!" [_Usop, quite scared, takes cover as return fire ricochets off the tower._]

[_Cuts to a time-lapse image of Usopp waiting for a shot. Several Tabasco-filled jars are to his side, as Usopp drinks soda and waits. As the sun starts to set, Usopp smiles and finally takes his shot._]

[Usopp hits a Spy with his Usopp Hammer on Gold Rush Stage 3, Spy collapses with a funny expression, Sniper's Scopes and mini Usopps with hammers are dancing around his head. Usopp grins with a satisfied expression.]

**Usopp**: "If I am the great hero from Sniper's Island, Sogeking? Look mate…" [_Cut back to Mini Merry_] "That's confidential. You know, we the 'Professionals' have _standards_."

[_Usopp takes off his hat and puts it on his chest, standing over the out coldSpy._]

Usopp: "Be polite."

[_Usopp launches proyectiles and hits in the head a Medic, a Soldier, and a Pyro, knoking them out cold._]

**Usopp**: "Be efficient."

[_Slow-motion shot of Usopp reloading his Kabuto._]

**Usopp**: "Have a plan for every enemy you meet."

[_Usopp fires directly at the camera. The screen blacks out._] [_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays._]

[_Cut back to the Den Den Mushi._]

**Usopp**: "Oi, Dad. I'll call you back lather…can you put Kaya on the Mushi?"


	5. Sanji the Black Leg Demoman

**Meet Sanji the Black-Leg Demoman**

["Meet Sanji" text appears"]

[_Opening fanfare of __Drunken Pipe Bomb__ plays as Sanji narrowly escapes a massive explosion while jumping from a drop-down corridor in __Gravel Pit_] [_Freeze frame_]

**Sanji**: "What makes me a good cook?"

[_Cut to Sanji, sitting in the Sunny's kitchen_]

**Sanji**: "If I were a bad cook, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I?"

[_"Drunken Pipe Bomb" resumes playing_]

**Sanji**: "Let's do it!"

[_Sanji charges into battle along with Mugiwara Crew while dodging a cascade of __rockets_]

**Sanji**: "Not one of ya's gonna' survive this."

(suddenly he notice Nami runs next to him and then Sanji falls in love…again)

Sanji: Nami-Swaaan ~ (all happy)

[_Cut back to the Sanji's kitchen, music pauses._]

**Sanji**: "Some good ingredients, one wayward pinch of salt, a lot of passion... and (shows a delicious meal) _**voilà!**_"

[_Cut back to battle, music resumes._] [_Sanji awaits for a pursuing BLU Demoman and then he kicks him away, continuing smoking his cigarette_]

[_Cut to scene of Sanji cooking something_]

[_A level 2 __Sentry Gun__ upgrades to level 3_]

[_Cut to scene of Sanji continuing his work_]

[_Sentry Gun fires rockets at Sanji and Nami. Sanji got pissed off at the Sentry attack_]

[_Cut to a close up of the Sanji's face, still cooking_]

[_Sanji dodges the rockets and kicks the Sentry, destroying it and saving Nami who tanks him. Sanji start twirling around happily_] [_Cut back to Sanji's room, music stops._]

[_Sanji is smoking a cigarette, calm_] [_Camera blurs_]

**Sanji**: "I got a weak point for the womans...some people think it's a weakness but (he sets on flames) NOTHING CAN STOP THE FORCE OF MY LOVE!"

(Zoro enters the kitchen)

Zoro: what about Newkamas, ero-cook? (Making fun of Sanji)

(Sanji's flames died down as he remember his embarrassing battle against Bon Clay at Arabasta)

Sanji: shut up, shitty marimo!

(The two starts arguing and fight, knocking out the camera which goes in "We are having technical difficulties, please stand by")

(later the scene goes back to Sanji)

**Sanji**: "So..."

[_The ending segment of "Drunken Pipe Bomb" starts to play_]

**Sanji**: "...T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure."

[_Sanji runs out to the final capture point in Gravelpit and is shocked to see a group of __BLU__ team members charging towards him with smug expressions on their faces. A devious look comes over Sanji's face and he runs with BLU in hot pursuit_]

**Sanji**: "If you think you can hurt my beloved Nami-Swan and Robin-Chan, then you better run for your lives! Come and get me I say! [_Sanji awaits in front of a door frame while spinning and performing a Diable Jambe_] I'll be waiting on ya. I'm the Prince who will rescue the beautiful princesses with a happy end!"

[Sanji attacks the BLU team_. Sanji throws them against a wall, taking it down._]

[_Sanji walks up to the defeated BLUs, smoking as concrete parts rain down around him._]

**Sanji**: "Food is a gift from God. Spices are a gift from the devil. Looks like it was too spicy for you. It seems they're going to have to glue you back together... _**in hell!**_"

[_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays, accompanied by Moulin Rouge_]


	6. Chopper the Cotton Candy Lover Medic

**Meet Chopper the Cotton Candy Lover Medic**

[_Fade from black to a seemingly peaceful rocky hillside_]

[_Explosion from behind the hillside, Nami and Sanji rush over the hill. Tense music begins_].

**Nami:** "Move Sanji, move!"

[_Cut to __Nami__ and __Sanji__ fleeing from a barrage of rockets._]

**Nami**: "Come on, come on, almost here!"

[_Nami is about to get hit by a rocket but Sanji kicks it away, saving Nami_]

**Sanji**: don't worry, Nami-Swan! I'll protect you ~

(but Sanji doesn't realize that a_ trio of rockets arc down towards him, accompanied by a whistling noise_]

[_Sanji froze and turns toward the rockets_]

**Sanji**: "Whoah! What the f-"

[_Cut to a long shot of the explosion, Sanji is flung yelling and flailing towards the viewer_]

**Sanji**: "-uuuuu-"

[_Sanji smashes face-first into a pane of glass in the foreground, breaking it and startling a dove._]

**Sanji**: "Chopper..."

["Meet Chopper" card appears.]

[_Cut to inside the building. As Sanji slides off the window, the camera tilts down and turns right_]

**Chopper**: "wooow, you really did it?!" [_Chopper is having little stars in the eyes as he listen to Luffy relating his first battle against a pirate, who was Alvida_]

**Luffy**: "Wait, wait, wait, it gets better."

[_A Little Heart to Heart__ is barely audible in the background. Camera continues to turn and tilt, revealing Chopper chatting with an injured but conscious Luffy. A prototype __Medi Gun__ mounted to an overhead rig is firing a pink beam with sakura's flowers petals instead of little medic's crosses into Luffy_]

Luffy: "When the big fat woman tried to hit me with her spiky club, it didn't worked so I send her fly away with a single punch!" [_Laughs happy, banging his palm on a tray of surgical tools next to him_]

Chopper: "So cool…!" (with little stars in the eyes)

[_A dove pops up from inside Luffy's gut, surprising both the doctor and his patient_]

**Chopper**: "Archimedes! No!" [_Shoos the dove away_] "It isn't good."

[_Luffy looks at Chopper in mild surprise. Chopper does not notice_]

**Chopper**: "I don't like when RED and BLU Medics doves get on the Infirmary withous asking permission….sorry for that" [_Chopper chuckles embarassed_]

[_Cut to a Rumble ball on a tray. The word "Über" can be seen on a small tag next to it_] [_Chopper grabs the candy_]

**Chopper**: "Now, when I saw what RED and BLU Medics did to their teammates, I created another way to make an Ubercharge without putting devices on your hearts. I think they couldn't withstand this voltage," [_Chopper brings the Rumble Ball it into the Medi Gun's beam_] "...but I'm fairly certain this..." [_Rumble Ball explodes_]

[_Cut to a trio of doves. Archimedes gets knocked off his perch by a piece of the candy_]

[_Cut back to Chopper, Luffy had fell asleep in the background since he fell asleep_]

**Luffy**: (wakening) "uh? What was that?"

[_Chopper quickly recovers from his surprise, throwing aside the rest of the candy_]

**Chopper**: "um…nothing. Absolutely nthing. Eheheh (he chuckle nervously)."

[_Cut to Chopper rusching toward a refrigerator which containing several colorful liquids, a __Sandvich__, and Sake. One exceptionally large Rumble Ball named "Mega Rumble"_]

**Chopper**: "Ah, perfect...this can be handy" [_Chopper grabs the candy and a few liquid colors, revealing a decapitated head of a __BLU__Spy__ in the back of the fridge, somehow sustained by a battery. Chopper is surprised._]

**Spy Head**: "Kill me."

**Chopper**: "GYAAAAAAHHHHH!" [_Closes fridge door with force and tries to recover from an imminent panic attack. Then he rush to create a new rumble ball. In a few second the new candy is ready_]

[_Cut to Chopper standing by the Luffy, new Rumble Ball in his hands_]

**Chopper**: "Where was I? Ah, there we go."

[_Cuts to Chopper holding the candy in front of the medi beam_]

**Chopper**: "Come on, come on..." [_Rumble ball start glowing in a pinkish color, Chopper both Chopper and Luffy stare amazed at it.]_ It's working!

[_Candy glows full pink_] [_Cuts to the Über meter on a nearby machine device going to full_]

[_Cuts to Chopper, who is squinting and leaning his head away, as if expecting the candy to explode_]

[_Cuts back to perched doves for a brief moment. Archimedes has returned to his position on the perch, covered in candy's pieces, as the two doves on either side of him shuffle away from where he was standing when he was hit before_]

[_The Candy stabilizes and stops glowing and gets overlaid by a Pink ÜberCharge texture._]

**Chopper**: "Oh, that looks good."

Luffy: that was awesome! Can I eat it? Can I eat it? (happy)

**Chopper**: "well...i don't know"

(shouts and gunfire is heard from outside the Sunny's Infirmary)

Chopper: Gasp, the other are in trouble!

Luffy: then let's go!

[_Cuts to Archimedes, who cocks his head and flies away_] [_Chopper swings the Medi Gun over to Luffy's injuries of and raises the power_] [_The Medi Gun completely heals Luffy, as if by magic, even repairing and sewing his clothes_]

**Luffy** (impressed): So cool! But we don't have time. Let's battle!"

[_Chopper helps Luffy up_] **Chopper**: "Ok, let's go practice medicine!" [smiles confident]

[_Cuts to Chopper putting on his gloves, oversized coat, and his Medi-Gun while __MEDIC!__ plays_]

[_Cuts to a door bearing Chopper's Jolly Roger opening to reveal Chopper and the doves_]

[_Luffy runs past Chopper ready to battle_]

[_Cuts to show a battlefield outside Sunny's with Franky and Usopp hiding behind cover, Nami is hiding next to a big rock, and Sanji rush frantically towards Chopper_]

**Sanji**: "Chopper!" [_Sanji gets blown off again by several rockets, landing face-first on the ground in front of Chopper_]

Chopper: (worried) AAAH! WE NEED A DOCTOR! WE NEED A DOCTOR! (runs around worried until he stops) Ah, wait! I AM the Doctor!

[_Chopper quicly flips a switch on his Quick-Fix_] [_Music intensifies as the pink healing beam is fired at Sanji, healing him completely. Sanji get up and nods toward Chopper and heads back towards the battlefield_]

[_Chopper then fires the Quick-Fix at Nami, fixing her up also._] [_Nami thanks Chopper_]

**Nami**: "Yeah!" [_Nami grabs her Clima-Tact from out of the air as she gets up and runs off_]

[_Luffy rush in the battle, the bullets bounce on him and get back to the enemies._]

[_Nami runs up to a BLU __Soldier__ and whacks him with the Clima-Tact_] **Nami**: "Oh yeah!" (Nami then get to Franky and Usopp side)

[_Cuts to show a massive horde of BLU Soldiers coming over the crest of the hill_] **Luffy**: "Chopper!"

[_Cuts to Luffy_] **Luffy**: "Are you sure this will work?!"

''Music quells''

[_Cuts to a worried Chopper_] **Chopper**: "I…I have no idea!"

[_Chopper eat the Rumble Ball and flips a switch, a panel lights up as a meter labeled "Voltmeter" reaches full. The words "__ÜberCharge__ Ready" can be seen on the panel, and the music swells again. Chopper's backpack starts humming with power_]

[_Chopper fires the Quick-Fix at the Luffy, who pops out from his cover_]

**Luffy**: "EYAAAAAAAAAH!" [_Cuts to show Luffy's glowing with a RED ÜberCharge power_] "HA HA!"

[_Chopper and the ÜberCharged Luffy advance under rocket fire, Luffy starts laughing_]

[Nami, Franky_, firing his Coup the Vent, and Usopp, wielding the Kabuto, watch bewildered as Luffy glows with power and shrugs off volleys of rockets_]

[_Cuts back to Luffy, still advancing_] **Luffy**: "I am bulletproof!"

[_Luffy keeps moving, mowing down BLU Soldier after BLU Soldier with his Gomu Gomu No Catlin Gun_] [_Cuts to BLU Soldiers falling over unconscious in rapid succession_]

[_Chopper and Luffy climb atop the pile of Soldiers and a flock of doves fly overhead as music crescendos_]

[_Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays_]

[_Cut to the Kitchen table and sofa actually working as a waiting room. The camera passes over the rest of the Mugiwara Crew, who are doing things to pass the time. Franky is playing his guitar, Robin is reading a book, Brook is playing the violin, Zoro is taking a nap, Sanji is serving Robin a coffee, and Usopp is creating a new proyectile_]

**Chopper** (off-screen): "That looks good. Very nice there. Yes!"

**Nami** (off-screen): "Hey, thanks Chopper!"

Chopper (off-screen) No, don't think this compliments makes me happy (he dances happily).

[_A 'ding' is heard as the "Now Serving" sign changes to number 2. Everyone in the waiting room looks toward the door_]

[_Nami emerges from the operating room_]

**Nami** (gallant): "Aw, guys! You would not BELIEVE ... how much that hurts."

[_Muffled dove coos, and Nami's chest moves. She got surprised_]

**Chopper**: "Archimedes?" (worried)

Sanji: (furious) You shitty bird! How dare you do such a thing to my beloved Nami-Swan?!

(The crew start laughing as Sanji continue to insult Archimedes, Nami is disgusted and Chopper runs around calling for a doctor)


	7. Robin the Demon Spy

**Meet Nico Robin the Demon Child Spy**

[_Shot opens on ringing alarm bell; sirens and klaxons play in the background_]

**The Administrator:** "Intruder Alert! Spy Mugiwara is in the base!"

[_Signs illuminate on a large security panel: "Intruder Alert', 'Spy Mugiwara' and 'In Base'; pull out to reveal the BLU Soldier watching the board_]

**Soldier:** "Spy Mugiwara is in the base!?"

[_Intruder Alert begins to play. The Soldier reaches from off-screen and pulls a Shotgun off a rack of weapons. Cut to the Soldier dashing down the stairs and through the 2Fort sublevel while saying "Hut, Hut, Hut!" with every step he takes_]

**The Administrator:** "Protect the briefcase!"

**Soldier:** "We need to protect the briefcase!"

[_Camera pans to reveal the BLU Scout trying to open the code-locked 'Briefcase Room' door_]

**Scout:** "Yo, a lil' help here!?"

[_The Soldier pushes the Scout aside and begins to 'decode' the combination_]

**Soldier:** "All right, all right, I got it. Stand back son. 1, 1, 1, umm... **1**!"

**Scout:** Let's go, let's go-

[_BLU Heavy comes around the corner, Sasha in hand, charging towards the Scout and Soldier_]

**Heavy:** "**INCOMING!**"

[_Heavy shoulder-barges the door, destroying it. The three of them are sent tumbling and screaming into the Intelligence Room] _

**Heavy:** "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- [screaming]"

[The Scout reaches the desk to discover the briefcase is perfectly safe_]_

**Scout:** _[while screaming, he notices the briefcase]_ "AAAAAHHHH- Hey, it's still here!"

**Heavy:** "-AAAAalright then."

**Spy:** "Ahem."

[_Camera zooms in to reveal the BLU Spy, with the BLU Sniper's corpse over one shoulder_]

**Spy:** "Gentlemen."

[_Meet Robin' Title Card_]

[_Cut back to the Spy, carrying the dead Sniper towards the desk_]

**Spy:** "I see the briefcase is safe."

**Soldier:** "Safe and sound, mm-hmm."

**Scout:** "Yeah, it is!"

**Spy:** "Tell me... did anyone happen to kill Spy Mugiwara on the way here?" [_The other three BLUs shake their heads and shrug_] "No? Then we still have a problem.

[_He deposits the Sniper's body on the desk, revealing a bloody Knife in his back_]

**Soldier:** "...and a _knife_."

[_The Scout approaches and removes the knife_]

**Scout:** "Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of Spies; they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you!" [_The Scout attempts to manipulate the knife like the Spy, only to cut himself on the finger and drop it_]

**Scout:** "Ow! No offense."

**Spy:** "If you managed to kill them, I assure you, they were _not_ like me." [_The Spy deftly retrieves the knife and flicks it shut, handing it back to the Scout_] "And nothing... _nothing_ like the woman loose inside this building."

**Scout:** "What're you? President of her fan club?"

[_The Soldier and Heavy chuckle while the Spy turns to face the Scout_ with a serious expression]

Scout: O_OU

**Spy:** "This is serious! We are facing a very powerful and mysterious enemy. This…'Mugiwara Crew' popped out of nowhere "

[_The Spy reveals a folder and slaps it down on the table, revealing the nine WANTED posters of the Straw Hats while Right Behind You plays_]

**Scout:** _[stammers out of shock and disbelief]_

**Spy:** Indeed, and now they're here to f**k _us_! So listen up boy, or this news will be the _second_ worst thing that happens to you today."

[_The Soldier and Heavy examine the posters. The Heavy leans over and shows the Soldier one photo (Sanji poster maybe XD)_]

**Soldier:** Oh!

[The Spy lights and smokes a cigarillo in the foreground]

**Spy:** "This Spy has already breached our defenses..."

[_Fade to Robin walking casually through the Hydro tunnels. She pauses at a corner, as the camera pulls back to reveal a BLU Level 3 Sentry Gun with its Engineer. Robin use her Devil Fruit powers to stick a Sapper on it, disarming and destroying the Sentry Gun immediately_]

**Engineer:** "Sentry Down!"

[_The BLU Engineer throws his Wrench down and frantically reaches for his Pistol, only to be blocked by a group of arms which breaks his spine. The dead Engineer crashes through a door and Robin steps in the room and attack a target off-screen_]

[_Cut back to the BLU Intelligence Room. The BLU Spy leans over the dead Sniper, gesturing frantically._]

**Spy:** "You've seen what she's done to our colleagues!"

[_Fade to the BLU Sniper, still alive and sniping from a dusty attic. Robin is sat on a crate behind him, smiling. The Sniper suddenly noticed her and engages Robin with the Kukri. A struggle ensues, and the Sniper is ultimately backstabbed_]

[_Cut back to BLU Intelligence Room_]

**Spy:** "And worst of all, she could be any one of us..."

[_Fade to Robin fighting a BLU Medic, armed with a Bonesaw_]

**Medic:** "_Raus_, _raus_!"

[Robin_ breaks the Medic's arm, disarming him. Close-up on Robin face as she disguises as the Medic, sans spectacles_]

**Medic:** [_gasps_] "_Nein_..."

[_Robin break his spine too and kills the Medic, knocking off his spectacles, which she catches and wears, completing her disguise_] [_Cut back to BLU Intel Room. The BLU Spy looks frantic_]

**Spy:** "She could be in this very room! She could be _you_! She could be _me_! She could even be-"

[_The Spy is cut off as his head explodes violently. The camera switches to the Soldier, Shotgun in hand, with a confused Heavy and a panicked Scout_]

**Scout:** "Whoa, whoa, _whoa_!"

**Heavy:** "Oh!"

**Soldier:** "What? It was obvious!" [_The Soldier pumps his Shotgun, discarding the spent shell._] "He's the Spy Mugiwara! Watch, he'll turn purple any second now..."

[_The Soldier and Heavy approach the dead Spy, with The Soldier prodding the Spy's foot with his Shotgun_]

**Soldier:** "_Aaany_ second now... See? Purple! Oh, wait... that's blood."

**Heavy:** "So, we still got problem..."

**Soldier:** "_Big_ problem...

[_The Scout lingers behind, his expression sinister. He approaches the Soldier and Heavy, retrieving the knife he pocketed earlier, and flicking it open easily]_

**Soldier:** All right, who's ready to go find this Spy?"

[As the Scout approaches, he flickers and melts, revealing himself to be Robin_]_

**Robin:** "Right behind you, boys." (Smiling confident)

**Soldier**: Uh-ho…O_OIII

**Heavy**: Not good…

[_Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays, with the stabbing of the Soldier and Heavy punctuating the beat of the tune._]

[_Petite Chou-Fleur plays_]

[_Fade to the scattered posters of the Straw Hats. Robin retrieves them and chuckle before walking off with the BLU team's Intel in tow_]


	8. Franky the Cyborg Engineer

**Meet Franky the Cyborg Engineer**

[_("Meet Franky" text appears)_

_(Cut to Franky sitting on a toolbox and playing 'More Gun' on his guitar. Next to him is a kill counter displaying 209.)_

**Franky:** Hey look, buddy, I'm a SUPEEER shipwright! (He makes his pose) That means also I solve problems.

_(A gunshot ricochets off the Sunny near Franky; he ignores it.)_

**Franky:** Not problems like "What is beauty?", because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

_(Two more gunshots ricochet off the Sunny, close to Franky's head. He glances briefly at the bullet holes.)_

**Franky:** I solve practical problems.

_(Franky takes a bottle of Cola from a nearby crate and swigs it as the level 1 Sentry Cannon (his personal Sentry project) near him swivels round and shoots an unseen Heavy.)_

**Heavy:** _(screams)_

_(Franky puts down the Cola and continues to play. The Kill counter clicks up from 209 to 210.)_

**Franky:** For instance...

_(The camera shows a BLU Sniper in the background trying to sneak up on Franky)_

**Franky:** ...How am I going to stop some big mean mother hubbard bastard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?

_(The Sentry Cannon spots the Sniper and kills him. The Kill counter clicks up to 211.)_

**Franky:** The answer...

_(A level 2 Sentry Cannon fires and kills a Scout and an unseen enemy.)_

**Scout:** _(screams)_

_(Kill counter clicks up to 213)_

**Franky:** ...use a gun. And if that don't work... [_A level 3 Sentry Cannon fires rockets_] ...use more gun.

_(Franky stops playing and lift up a bit his sunglasses. A large explosion is heard and Franky grins happily, setting down again his sunglasses_]

**Unknown Assailant:** _**My arm!**_ _(from off-screen)_

_(The Kill counter clicks up to 214. A severed Sniper's hand lands in front of Franky, who continues playing. The level 1 Sentry Cannon targets the hand)_

**Franky:** Like this cute heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ol' number designed by me... _(Franky kicks the hand, which is shot out of the air by the level 1 Sentry Cannon.)_

**Franky:** ...Built by me...

_(The level 1 Sentry Cannon shoots another Soldier. The Kill Counter clicks up to 215.)_

**Franky:** ...and you'd best hope... (Serious) not pointed at you.

_(The camera zooms out from Franky as his Sentry Cannons continue to devastate the attackers. It is revealed that the Thousand Sunny is crammed full of BLU Intelligence.)_ _(Various screams)_

_(Franky's guitar sounds blend into the ambiance, before the piece ends with the Team Fortress 2 ending flourish.)_


	9. Brook the Dead Bones Humming Pyro

**Meet Brook the Dead Bones Humming Brook**

[_"Meet Brook" text appears, then is burned away to reveal the feet of Brook, his purple Cane Sword in his elbow, walking over a pair of glasses towards the camera and knocking a few empty bullet cartridges aside. Brook is humming Binks No Sake with a spectral tone._]

[_Cut to a small room. The RED Heavy is seen almost completely in silhouette._]

**Heavy**: I fear no man. But that... _thing_... it scares me.

[_Cut to a view behind Brook's right shoulder. A BLU Engineer shuts a door before a BLU Scout can join him inside. The Scout pulls desperately on the handle. Cut again to the interview room. This time it is the RED Scout in silhouette._]

**Scout**: No, I... I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak. All right? [_Worried, he tries to detach the lavalier microphone from his shirt. He sits upright in his chair, in near panic._]

**Scout**: He's not here, is he? [_Scout continues to tug as he stands and walks toward the camera, knocking it over._]

**Scout**: How do I get this f***ing thing off?!

[_Cut to Brook cutting down the door into the BLU team's room with his sword, violin ready. Fade back to the interview room, this time with the RED Spy._]

**Spy**: One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind in that skull...

[_Cut to a cornered BLU Team while Brook is towering over them with a grim expression, scaring to death the mercenaries._]

**Spy**: ...what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?

[Cut to show Brook from feet to head with a dark grim expression and red eyes…until he suddenly turns on the light and smiles happily)

Brook: Yohohoho, come on Everybody! Let's dance!

(BLU team is confused by this sudden change. Brook starts playing his violin singing Binks No Sake with joy. The music is catchy an so the BLU Team starts to dance involuntary)

**Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho**

**Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo **

**Umi kaze ki makaze nami makase **

**Shio no mukou de, yuuhi mo sawagu **

**Sora nya wa wo kaku, tori no uta**

**Sayonara minato, **

**Tsumugi no soto yo **

**DON to icchou utao, funade no uta **

**Kinpa-gimpa mo shibuki ni kaete **

**Oretachya yuku zo, umi no kagiri**

(while dancing without control, BLU team start hitting some things, includins a few grenades wich rolls in a shred and explodes. Set mostrly of the near buildings on fire).

**Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo **

**Warera kaizoku, umi watteku **

**Nami wo makura ni, negura wa fune yo **

**Ho ni hata ni ketateru wa dokuro**

**Arashi ga kita zo, senri no sora ni **

**Nami ga odoru yo, DORAMU narase **

**Okubyoukaze ni fukakerya saigo **

**Asu no asahi ga nai jo nashi**

**Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho**

(BLU Team keep dancind and dancing, continuing to Blast and destroy the sheds. Weapons, gun powder, bombs and sentrys explodes in a rithm with the music. Everything around is set on fire)

**Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo **

**Kyou ka asu ka to yoi no yume **

**Te wo furu kage ni, mou aenai yo **

**Nani wo kuyokuyo, asu mo tsukuyo**

**Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo **

**DON to icchou utao, unaba wo uta **

**Douse dare demo itsuka wa hone yo **

**Hatenashi, atenashi, waraibanashi**

**Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho**

(almost to the end of the song, the BLU Team members start to pass out one after another, tired)

[_BLU Sniper crashes out of a second-story window to the ground. He crawls over to the ankle of a nearby person. The sound of a Dispenser and then a teleporter being destroyed in the distance is heard._]

**Engineer**: Dispenser down! (drops tired)

[_The BLU Sniper is holding Brook's ankle.]_

**Sniper**: Help!

[The Brook looks down]

Brook: yohohoho, of course! (he then plays Nemuriuta Flanc)

Sniper: aw, piss…(he pass out, snoring) zzz…

Finally, BLU Pyro is the only one standing and conscious. Brook approaches the Pyro with a sinister aura which scares the Pyro.

Brook: and now…(he then lift his hat like a gentleman, no more scaring) are you are a lady? If yes, can you show me your panties?

Pyro: MPH! (embarrassed and kicks away Brook)

Brook: Ouch, I'll take that as a no…(flies away in the sky).

[Pyro stand in the middle of his snoring teammates and facepalms while the scenario is still on fire. Fades on black]

[_Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays_]

Brook: (appear in the screen) Yohohoho, skull joke! ;)


	10. -Bonus- Meet the Meat

**Meet the Meat**

[_Two slices of __Meat__ are in a refrigerator on a plate beside three bottles of Sake in the Sunny's fridge_]

[_"Meet the Meat" text appears_]

[_Cut back to the Meat_]

**Luffy**: [_Groans hungrily, his stomach grumbles too_]

**Scout**: "Yeah, there he is!"

**Soldier**: "You! Straw Hat! Stop right where you are, that is an order! He's getting away! Do not let him get to the re-"

[_Luffy opens the door, grabs a piece of Meat and closes the door_]

**Scout**: "D-don't do it, pal!"

**Soldier**: "**Do. Not. Do it!**"

**Luffy**: [_Eats Meat_] "Om nom nom nom..."

**Soldier**: "Oohhhhhhh, hell..."

**Scout**: [Stuttering]"H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... _OH GOD_!"

[_Luffy chuckles as his loud footsteps are heard gathering speed_]

Luffy: Gomu Gomu No…

**Scout**: "_OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GO-_" [_Several loud thuds are heard, a sake bottle falls over, and the refrigerator door opens slightly_]

**Luffy**: "Shishishishi!" [_Sound of liquid spilling on the floor, presumably the Scout's blood_]

**Scout**: "_My blood_! H-he punched out _**all**_ my blood!"

[_More thuds are heard._]

**Soldier**: "Ow, ow ow ow ow! Ouch, ouch! Ahhh..."

[_A thud and a snap is heard_]

**Soldier**: "You call that breaking my spine? You Mugiwara Crew ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if-"

[_A loud snap is heard and the door closes and opens again, the floor now covered with blood and another one of the bottles of Sake falls over_]

**Soldier**: "**AUGHHH!** MY SPINE!"

[_A girlish scream is heard as ending flourish music plays. The camera pans across a diagram of the Meat_]

[_Cut to Luffy in Dustbowl, as he was in the original __Meet the Luffy__, but instead of wielding his Minigun he is devouring a lot of pieces of Meat_]

**Luffy**: "Nom nom nom... [_Takes a bite_] nom nom... mmmm.. nom."

Sanji and the rest of the crew: (off-screen) STOP EATING EVERYTHING, BAKA!


End file.
